Mike from Tadworth in Surrey is our No. 1 Carer of the month and wishes to share his story with us
I have been a carer for a long time (some 26 years now), but it still creeps up on you and gradually takes over your life. Without realising it you are increasing your role by doing household duties, bit by bit and then all of a sudden your doing the lot! And wondering in the meantime why it is all consuming and your getting all in a dither about it. I have to confess though that as the years have rolled by and my carer role has increased due to my wife’s increasing incapacity, I have let the household tasks slip a bit – I don’t live like a slob, but when I’m absolutely exhausted after a really long day of running about like a legless chicken, I don’t see vacuuming up every crumb as a priority!!
I have learnt to make lighter work of things, if for example I have done a lot of washing I won’t keep running up and downstairs, I will stack it on the sideboard in my hallway (which is just at the bottom of the stairs) and when I have a big pile I will take it up and put it away. It sounds silly to say it, but it really does make a difference, because I am on the go all day caring for my wife’s needs and if I can reserve a bit of energy then it really makes a difference.
Being a carer means I get very little personal space; the highlight for me at the moment is going to the supermarket for an hour and a half and making out my shopping list. I go out twice a week and I used to potter around in the garden and did used to find it therapeutic, but now its just another chore so I have got in a gardener to take the strain. I miss doing the garden but I cant do everything and something has to give or else I would be in the loony bin!!
Caring slowly becomes a way of life, it’s something you do because you have got to do it and you don’t have a choice. At least I feel I don’t. It gradually creeps up on you as I said earlier, and then over a period of years, as three, four, ten, twenty creep by, I have watched my wife become more and more disabled. My wife has rheumatoid arthritis and she used to be able to shuffle about and do a bit of light housework and cook the odd meal, but now some 26 years down the line she can only just about feed herself sometimes if I cut up the food. Everything has to be done for her. I do have carers that come in three times a day to help wash, dress her and see to some of her needs, but they are only here for 20 minutes to half an hour three times a day and the rest of the time it is down to me to see to and care for her needs. We have all the equipment in place now, the hoist, special bed and commode, etc, but it is no easy task and at 75 years of age I could do with a rest!!
I am a moany old minny but does anyone else out there feel the same. Do let me know.
Regards.
Mike (Tadworth)
Footnote: don’t beat yourself up: your doing a good job!